All I can say before before launching into this is that keeping up with current world madness is pushing ill winds through my medulla. It is what it is.
It's getting close to Easter, and you know what that means. That's right kids, Good Friday is almost upon us. Hooray!
Good Friday is the Friday before Easter to commemorate the crucifixion of Jesus. Commemorate? Hell, the US is fixin' ta celebrate-shock and awe style, baby! I can't think of a better day (or reason) to sow some death by blowing the smithereens out of some terrorists, and according to some, neither does King George or his court.
Ahmadinejad, of course, is not making things any easier with his own provocations, although it sounds like the moderates in Iran have control for now.
Is governments waiving their cocks at each other really that much fun? I've had mine out in a variety of climes, and will admit that at first it is refreshing. This is especially true for the desert, where intra-trouser junk sweat is fact of existence. But no matter how much you might love exposing yourself, it gets old quick and those without deviant pathologies quickly realize it should be put away lest unpleasantness ensue.
Before that strange digression (what was that?), I was trying to say that Ahmadinejad, Bush, Blair, and the rest of the high government gangs are really quite obvious, hiding in plain sight as they do. Petulant little thugs on both sides of the ocean trying to prove who has the biggest schlong with which to violate the other, not for a second considering the fates or well-being of the people they claim to be protecting.
(Of course, Iran may still be pissed about Operation AJAX (and rightlfully so), where in 1953 we helped orchestrate the overthrow the democratically elected Mohammed Mosadeq, subsequently installing what was Iran's most brutal regime with the Shah. Why did democracy-delivering and supporting America do that, again?)
Each of these leaders seek only to instill fear in their populations. They get rich, you get dead. The leaders (and their handlers) continue to use their respective media to try and convince you that war and conflict and death and destruction and "sacrifice" are really the only foreseeable future and that you should just get used to it. If the terrorists don't get you, the global warming will. Ruuun! Wait. Pay the global taxes, then Ruuun! Coming soon to a bank account linked national ID card near you.
No. I will not get used to it.
Muslims do not inherently hate Christians. Christians do not inherently hate Muslims. Sure, some of them do, on both sides. These are the fundamentalists and the extremists, the very people whom all governments claim to be fighting and yet they are the very groups that these governments support, secretly and otherwise. The Clash of Civilizations is manufactured with the helping hand of the constructed "-ist" du jour.
Problem-Reaction-Solution. All would be well served becoming familiar with this concept.
For my part, I'm simply tired of living in an Orwellian fruitcake land-a place where tiny tyrants on both sides of the ocean are handed credibility they do not deserve. People the world over are tired, and we're tired of these very same things. Dark clouds of oppression hang over all as we view the front-runners for the US '08 elections, assuming we make it that far. Would you like to vote for the fascist 9/11 profiteer ghoul, or the fascist protocol droid speaking in bad accents?
What? You don't like either one? Oh, you don't have enough money to matter. Sorry 'bout that.
Televisions need to be turned off and Congressional phone lines need to be jammed. If a mass of voices aren't raised in a loud and forceful manner then the consequences, while not entirely predictable, will most assuredly be dire.
Or, you can continue pretending that everything is going to be just fine while Danny Bonaduce (of intellectual reality show Breaking Bonaduce fame) is brought on television to publicly call for the death of Rosie O'Donnell who is actively putting to use her First Amendment rights while Joe Scarborough giggles along. (For anyone not following, this isn't about whether or not you or I are Rosie fans) Also, here's a bit about Joe if you weren't previously aware.
On our current trajectory, here's the blurb I imagine I'll be typing in the very near future at the behest of the auspicious and merciful Homeland Security (translation: Here is the part where I transition gracefully back to sarcasm as I reign in this ramble-wreck).
George II: Extreme Edition, has been forced to do something he never wanted to do on Good Friday. Many fans and citizens (aren't those the same?) have speculated on just what the "something" is. Write in cursive and spell correctly? Beat Condoleeza in a urine-stream duel commenced over the executive toilet? While these are good guesses, they're not quite correct. No, the Chosen One was forced to spend Good Friday bringing democracy to Iran. God has tested George with a logistical problem (pointed out in their daily morning conference call), specifically the fact that most of our soldiers (and all the mercenaries we've hired) are a bit tied up at the moment converting Islamist savages in Iraq and Afghanistan. Seizing on the chance to prove his piousness, a brilliant plan has been implemented.
12 hours worth of cruise missiles chocolate Jesus.
Confectionery Christ. Luscious Lord. Sweet Salvation. Minus the genitalia of course, which would just be offensive. Everyone knows there's just no manly way to eat a chocolate dick.
While Iranians are reportedly dancing in the streets, high on cocoa communion, George is solemn and exhausted after passing his test of faith. Not only did has he finaly shown the Middle East what being crucified is all about, he did it without promoting the pagan Easter Bunny. He even had extra Choco-Jesus (with sprinkles) made for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, which pretty much makes him a lot like Job, without the boils and hardship but with alcoholism. An unnamed GOP staffer (rumored to have 'caught the Holy Ghost') was heard saying, "Take that, Kanye!"
In celebration of the newest Middle East success, iTunes is giving away free Lee Greenwood albums with the purchase of the Easter iPod (the battery automatically comes back three days after dying). Also, to counter some of the (frankly unpatriotic) ill will generated by $8/gallon gasoline, Exxon has agreed to give away extra-large Chinese-manufactured plastic flags (with fill-up at participating stations) that not only stick to your vehicle, but double as a coat on those chilly nights when the propane runs out. Now everyone will be just as warm as the troops!
UPDATE:
(Let the small sigh of apprehensive relief begin. We're certainly not out of the woods yet, but any avoidance of war is always a good thing. Tip of the hat to the Iranian moderates. Now it's time to start looking out for the next manufactured incident, which will likely come sooner than later, unfortunately.)
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